Sunday, January 17, 2010

thoughts...

Yes, it has been a while since I last blogged. I make no apologies. Life sometimes happens. Everynight I lay in bed and think of the things that I would like to post. The next day they are a distant memory. I am making lunches or fixing breakfast or driving someone somewhere. I am studying or reading or playing.
My kids do not understand that when they hear someone say that parents do this and don't do that (things like play and still build forts with their kids) because my childrens parents still do these things. What fun is having children if you can't get on the floor and play? Watch their imaginations grow and listen to their stories. Even as my oldest is on the cusp of turning 13, I still hold her hand, when she allows. I brush her hair and I even pluck her eyebrows! I lay in her bedroom floor and listen to music with her. We talk about what things are "cool" and how to cope with the world. She asks me questions about my childhood. How do I answer? That's a hard one. I didn't always live my life in a way that is worthy. But, I wish for her to not make my mistakes. I am in awe of her, she is smart beyond her years, yet she is still my little girl. She still wants to be held and still wants her daddy to wrestle with her. And doesn't understand why he can't.
I have come to a very hard realization this week. I was asked to undertake a new calling or "position" if you will, at churh. It will involve me being gone from the house every morning during the time that the rest of my family is getting ready for school/work. I worried that my son would fall apart. I refuse to let him be. I am very emotional over him because not only is he my last child but, due to my age, I doubt that I will have anymore children. This realization has hit me very hard as I approach my 38th birthday. I look at him and it seems just like yesterday he was my little baby. I will have a harder time adjusting to the morning's than he will. He will probably cry and whine at first, this will make him tougher, right?
I pray for my children that they will turn out well, what parent doesn't? I teach them correct principles. I love them and understand that God saw ME, Tina Liverman, fit to be their mother. What a huge responsibility.
I have thought a lot about the last 10 years. Since we just embarked on the new year and a new decade. Do you realize growing up I thought that I was worthless. Not worthy of love, to give love or to feel anything but shame. But, the last 10 years have proven me wrong. I am so in love with my husband and he with me. I have finally found my place among the world. It is not always a pretty place. But I am so glad that I have the knowledge of the gospel in my life. I have the love of a wonderful family and a loving Heavenly Father.
The last 10 years have been so fun. A learning experience. I have lived all over the U.S. I have made freinds and met all kinds of people that I would not have met otherwise. I have dealt with real setbacks and tragedy. My husband is blind. Don't feel sorry. It has made us appreciate things so much more. To have THIS and it be gone makes one realize just what really is important. I have lost my 2 grandmothers whom I love dearly. They are still missed and I still think of what their reactions would be to certain things that happen. I have rekindled relationships and I have lost relationships. A natural way of life. I know. The next 10 years will hold much of the same. I grow spirtually and I grow wiser. I love the age that I am now. I love that I am best friends with my husbad. I feel sorry for the wives whose husbands prefer to spend their free time away. How blessed am I?
I look forward to what the next 10 years brings to the Liverman household.

3 comments:

Jeff M said...

Someone only needs to spend time with Gage and Sydney to figure out that you're an awesome mom. :) And you're an awesome friend too.

Thanks for that really nice post. It felt good to read.

Maren said...

I like reading your thoughts. I am glad that we became friends seven years ago due to our babies. I am 35 and hope that Reilly wont be my last, but the clock is ticking.

Good luck with Seminary. Jeff and I are now teaching the Sunbeams.

Tina Liverman said...

Maren, I know that you and Jeff must love teaching those cute babes! I so miss that age! I am the nursery leader to 1 child! Small branch. I hope that you and Jeff have another baby. That would be great for Reilly. 35 is still acceptable to me, 38--not so acceptable!